The Butterfly in the Jar

This has been one busy week. I had a sudden realisation that I’m really running out of time for the upcoming tradeshow...eek! Next Saturday on the 20th is the Marmee’s Circle ‘She Made It’ Tradeshow.

I literally do not think there is enough hours in my day! I have to squeeze in work, my little monster and all his copious amounts of cuddles (it’s so fuppin cute ‘Mommy, I love you all day long’), making cards and things for the tradeshow, eating and fitting in the gym. I think I’m meant to fit sleep in there too. My living room has pretty much become a room full of paper poppies and cards. It’s cute but I have so much work to do!! I am working my fingers to the bone...in a way literally since my wrists now click when I’m manipulating paper. Not good but all for the love of a paper poppy!

Time seems to be rapidly escaping me at the minute. I honestly find it hard to believe nearly a whole year has passed. It’s been a busy year for us and we’ve had A LOT happen. Last month on the 19th marked my third year living in Canada. It’s kind of weird because in a way it feels like I’ve lived here for a lot longer and in others I feel like I’ve just arrived. Life has been full of many twists and turns since 2007 and now in 2010 I feel like in a way I have arrived. Not fully...because if you ever say you’ve arrived I think you’re stunting yourself from everything that life has to offer. To me I’ve arrived at a point where I am generally happy and where I want to be. 2010 marked the year monster and I eventually moved into our own place and he eventually had a proper decent sized bedroom of his own. Which, to him was a pretty big deal. My parents had lovingly put both of us up for over two years and taken care of me and Ben while I stumbled to find my feet again and get my life back on track. They deserve an award for that one!

This year has had some other pretty big events. Ben started school for the first time and seems to be doing really well. I just need to work out how to get him to sit still for more than 1 second so he can sit at circle in school without fidgeting. That is one thing I have worked out this year, my son is more like me than I would’ve ever though. He fidgets, loves people, loves adventures, is point blank stubborn and is rebellious over pretty much everything. We butt heads but he’s so much fun. As he’s getting older I’m loving seeing who he is becoming. He turned a mighty 5 this year...I wanted to cry...when did he get so big! I turned 25...I wanted to cry when I realised I can no longer say ‘when I grow up...’ because technically I already have!

A rather massive event for me rather than Ben is that on December 26th 2010 (yep...Boxing day) will mark three years since Ben’s dad walked out on us. This year in July our divorce was approved. I hate being 25 and being divorced... but I love that I’m free. I can sum up my marriage and how awful it was by saying it’s like a butterfly trapped in a jar. The butterfly can see everything on the outside but can’t quite reach it because it’s trapped and confined to the walls of the jar. The capturer controls what the butterfly sees, where it goes and at any point can cut the air to jar. The butterfly is merely something to be admired by other people and for the captor to display. Otherwise, its life is stunted. It’s only when the butterfly is released that you can see its true beauty and it can be free to do what it wants to do. This is not my view on all marriages...just mine.

So on a final note, to anyone in the Ajax area on Saturday 20th November get your toushies down the McLean Community Centre for a great day of crafts by female designers. ...not a plug at all :P